I had a dream last night.  It was so vivid.  I had walked into a restaurant, and as I did, an extremely well dressed man turned away from the bar and approached me.  He was easily over six feet tall.  As we side hugged and said our hellos, the quality of his wool coat was not lost on me.  He was dressed impeccably down to his perfectly shined shoes.  And wore a sheepish grin on his face when looking at me.

I was wearing black slacks and a black sleeveless silk blouse + sexy high heels and a small clutch purse.  I think I had gone to the restroom or something and I was weaving my way back to the table, where my daughter was waiting for me.  I had noticed a man trying to make eye contact with me, as I moved through the crowd.  But I never broke my gaze to look at him directly.  But the gentleman who began to speak to me did- while turning his body towards mine, blocking my way greeting me with, “Kate! I was hoping I might run into you here.  Join me for a drink, will you?”

I remember feeling incredibly flattered that this man had sought me out.  That he changed his day, just in the hopes of crossing my path.  He was a business associate that I had met briefly recently.  At least that was the feeling I got as he spoke to me (this was a dream after all).

I wanted to sit there and share a glass of wine.  To talk about whatever he wanted to talk about.  He was charming, engaging and had a quiet assertiveness about him.  It was at that moment in my dream that I noticed, I was genuinely enjoying his company.  But I was shocked to realize this…because it wasn’t CEO.

****

I don’t dream of other men.  And can’t recall ever doing so.  But I did last night.  And I have no idea what it all means.

But as I awoke from this dream, I stumbled for my phone in my pitch black bedroom.  I soon realized it was now 3:30 AM.  I started reading news, getting caught up on emails, looking over schedules and planning my work flow for the week.  When I finally saw the news.

CEO’s start-up was just acquired by a major technology corporation.  I knew this was his exit plan all along.  But seeing  the news brought up a mix of feelings.  I’m so SO proud of him.  But it’s also bittersweet for me to process.  Every time an investor rejected his idea, or he lost an investor he originally thought he had- I was his cheerleader during that rollercoaster.  In a weird way, it’s the last vestige of our relationship.

As they say, life does indeed move on.

Part of me wants to reach out and say Congratulations.  To hear his voice smile…

But I won’t.

And it’s gut wrenching.  Because I truly miss my friend.

I cant help but think now that he has sold his start-up, he suddenly has “time” again.   Hence, why he logged on to where we use to communicate.

I guess you could say- old habits die hard.