(I haven’t resumed my story telling in a long time. My blog kinda took a U-turn and I started writing more in the moment, and less about CEO and I. Here’s another installment which resumes after the ‘Butterflies’ post)
Returning from my run, I jumped in the shower and continued to wonder about Niall. Truth be told, I wanted to look at his photo and study his face before heading off to bed. I wanted to stare at his contours, and decipher if his eyes were a shade of blue or burnt amber. Honestly, I didn’t get a good look at his photo. But it would be incredibly risky logging back into AM, as my husband was over in the next room. Looking back, I can objectively say, my behavior at that time was incredibly risky (and would only become even more so, as the months went by). This is a by-product of all affairs: the risky behavior and decision making.
As the hot water trickeled down my back, I found myself pondering Niall with a curiosity I hadn’t felt in a long time. First impression? He seemed all too normal. Pretty vanilla and polite. Safe was the first impression I got. Boy would I be wrong. I turned off the faucet, wrapped myself in a warm plush towel and quickly opened my iPad. I tapped away at the glass screen, then nervously awaited my inbox to load. To my utter surprise, the key and Niall’s message was…poof–gone! Talk about a shocker. I wasn’t expecting that.
In typical knee-jerk fashion, I fired off a hasty message.
Hey, I just logged back in to look at the photo you sent me. I didn’t get a chance to look at it earlier because my husband suddenly came home. But now it’s gone. I realize you are new to this site, but in my limited experience here, men are very generous with releasing their keys. And they definitely leave them available, mid-conversation, while trying to forge a connection…
I kinda smirked when I sent it, wondering just how my message would be perceived. To my utter surprise, he wrote back immediately. Yikes! He’s online at this very moment!!
Please do not take my actions as a sign of my lack of interest. I didn’t mean to send them so soon. Like you, I am very cautious and didn’t intend to reveal all just yet. I know that must sound weak. But I like talking to you and just wanted to get to know you better first.
On second thought, I apologize. I will send them again now. Just know I look better in person and take horrible photos. Please tell me more about yourself, your travels (did you ever visit Rome?). And if I can be so forward, are you available this Friday to meet for a drink? Maybe the Beach House?
I had to laugh at his message. I thought only women got insecure over their looks. Apparently, so do men. The analyzer in me noted and filed this into my armchair-psychiatrist brain. So he has some insecurities. Ok, duly noted. That’s not some deal breaker. We all have insecurities. However my inner voice said, “But Kate, you are looking for an alpha male. This is just some millennial…move on. He’s just a kid with an internet connection.” (Ok- maybe that was a bit rough, but I’m trying to emphasize that I had absolutely no real inclination towards him at this point)
And just like that, his photos appeared in my inbox. One was a close-up of his face, taken from the side. The photographer in me realized that it wasn’t a great photo- it accentuated his side profile and distorted the ratio of his cheeks to his front facial features. It was taken at a horrible angle and made him look 10 pounds heavier than he actually was. But I could tell he was a decent looking guy (in all honesty, my husband is better looking than him…even to this day). My first impression was that he was “cute” and the full length body shot confirmed he was in fairly good shape.
I thought he was a baby faced millennial and that would be fun to talk to. Nothing more.
And definitely not someone who would knock me off my feet…and into a full-fledged affair. I opened up his email and began tapping away at the keyboard.
Wow…you look young. Are you old enough to be on here? Kidding!! I have an honest question for you. Have you ever cheated on your wife before? There is no right or wrong answer here. I get that there are open marriages and different dynamics at play. But, I’m just trying to understand where you are coming from and what your situation at home may be.
I stared at my screen and saw that he opened my message immediately. I was about to turn off my iPad when he suddenly replied yet again.
I’ve never had a full fledged affair. But I was at a work conference with a competitor once. We were sitting with a group of employees from both companies when my competitor suddenly (and discretely) invited me up to her room. We excused ourselves separately and met upstairs. Once in her suite, she quickly removed her dress only to reveal lace thigh highs and a garter begging for me to, “Fuck her now.” and to “Finish her off nice and hard.” And well….I did. So to answer your question honestly, yes. Yes, I have. Once.
As I contemplated how to reply, I suddenly heard a noise in the distance. I logged out of my computer and didn’t respond.
But I thought about Niall for the rest of the day. And beyond.