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Fade

I wrote this on May 26, 2014 but never sent it to CEO for some reason.  We wrote to each other every single day back then. Not sure why I didn’t send this, but I stumbled upon it today.  Moments like these still happen- Reminders!  They are always popping up- even still.  Reading this over again, it’s almost like it never really happened.  It feels so far away and yet not, if that makes sense.   

This use to happen quite a lot after we first met. I would be busy with something. And out of the blue, a memory of you would flash into my mind almost like a photo being taken. It just happened right now, as I was getting ready to go to sleep and turn off my iPad.

It went off like a flash in my mind and made my heart skip several beats. And I found myself half-smiling and half-gasping for air at the same time. I was suddenly back in SF, in our hotel room. It was early morning. White crisp sheets surrounded us. And you turned over to face my back, placing your fore fingers around my panties and pulling them off with such desire. No words were said, other than hearing the vibrations of your breathe against the back of my neck. I remember it now, only I am watching it unfold from above…like a movie. It’s always like a movie for me….

I remember how great it was to wake up like that. To let you take me over and over during our time there. It was raw. It was passionate. Exciting and memorable. It took my breathe away like it did just now, remembering you…your touch…your hands…all over my body as I moaned and panted through every single passionate thrust inside of me.

Every inch of you…every inch of me…together again in our own little world. Holding me down…then kissing me…my neck…then grabbing my ass so tight as you fucked me till every every last drop of cum came out. Turning me over, now face to face, you said, “Kate….you captivate me.”  You didn’t need to say those words, although it made my heart smile. I felt it too.

You took my breathe away that morning. And gave me such butterflies that it felt like I had a lump stuck at the top of my throat. Just seeing the picture again in my head…..white sheets, black silk thong being pulled off….me and you. A rush of excitement pulses through my chest similar to the feelings you get when your dropping from a roller coaster.

And just like that, it stops. The picture fades. And I am back in my bedroom getting ready to turn off the light. I don’t want to say goodbye to that memory so I try to fall asleep as fast as I can, so I can see you again in my dreams. And keep reliving the sweet memories over and over again.

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Fate

Tonight, I texted my husband, “Want anything else from Whole Foods?”  And he replied asking for a specific craft beer that I had never heard of before.  I finally found it on the shelf and as I placed it into my basket, two little girls came running past me.  I lost my breathe, not from their beauty, but because they are CEO’s kids.  And they look just like him (especially in the eyes).

Yep, I had another run-in friends.

I froze, then stealth glanced the perimeter and saw his wife, now standing in front of the seafood counter with two little girls tugging at her shirt.

Great.  Just great.

This has got to be the 10th time I have run into her.  It’s like fate keeps bringing us together.  I don’t even run into my own friends this much.  Statistically, what are the odds?  Like nil?

I quickly grabbed my phone and took a pic, because this has become a running joke between my best friend and I.  I sent her the photo (it was only the back of her body) and yet her reply was priceless, “OMG!  I know who that is!  Fuck how on earth do you keep running into her?  You don’t even live in that small of a town.”

Before I could reply, it suddenly dawned on me, “Niall could be behind them, perusing the produce section and shopping as a family.  Oh geez…please say he is not here.  I’m in my workout clothes and sweaty from a 6 mile run…then again, my ass has never looked better.”

I took a deep breathe, turned the corner and there was no Niall to be found.  Just all the friendly workers who know me by name, waving to me saying, “Heyyyyy Kate.  What’s up?”

I couldn’t help but think…she’s in my territory.  There is a huge Whole Foods less than 1 mile from her house and yet, she came to this little neighborhood location.

As I checked out, I half expected for her to end up in my lane.  Thankfully, that didn’t happen.  I pondered back to the time I ran into her over the holidays, both of our kids staring into the same decorated windows during the annual Christmas stroll.  And sadly, for the second year running- Niall is never by her side.  It’s always just her…and the girls…alone.

He’s a brilliant entrepreneur, but an absentee father and husband.  Had we left our spouses and ended up together, I would be just like her.

Alone.

Paradise

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Well we finally arrived after two flights and a long layover in between.  The kids took it in stride and even walked themselves through immigration.  I feared they would be asleep and we would be carrying them ourselves, since that is when they are normally sleeping.  But it worked out perfectly.

As we came out of the airport, someone was there to greet us with the car we had rented.  No waiting in lines- wow, I could get use to this.  As my husband placed our suitcases into the back of the car, he jammed his suitcase against him.  His right hand caught a piece of metal which was at one time, part of a side carry handle.  I looked at his face, then saw the blood, and he said, “I think I cut my finger down to the bone.”

The woman took him to a nurse who works in the airport.  We sat next to our rental car saying prayers for Daddy to be ok.  And for this to please, not inhibit the fun he has looked so forward to.  My heart sunk knowing all the water activities we had dreamed of doing while here.  Fifteen long minutes passed when Daddy suddenly appeared saying, “It’s not to the bone-just a deep cut.”  Phew…a huge sigh of relief came flooding out.

We drove about an hour through villages and such, till we finally reached a stone sign.  As we drove down a twisting road (think Lombard Street in San Francisco meets the jungle), we suddenly broke out in the giddiest of grins.

You park your vehicle and then the resort ferries you further down the ravine in little tuk-tuks reminiscent of the ones in Thailand, only much nicer.  As the driver turned the last corner, there stood our own private butler- local drinks in hand literally welcoming us to paradise.

He brought us into our room- and it was stunning.  Views of these majestic mountains coupled with white plantation shutters…four poster bed covered in a white mosquito net.

I’m a visual person so this place is a feast for your eyes and for anyone who loves architecture.  I still can’t believe we are here…in such paradise enjoying our marriage and family after so much destruction.  I feel grateful beyond words that my husband didn’t give up on us, that we have finally rebuilt a solid marriage where honesty reigns (despite how difficult that has been) and that we haven’t allowed our past to destroy our family.

I never thought being 2 years past Dday could feel so great…but it does.  We are making new memories and CEO feels so far behind us now.  This is proof that all those articles you read after Dday are true: some couples rebuild their marriages into stronger, more resilient ones.  I am very grateful to say, we are one of them ❤️🌴☀️