The last few weeks have been some of the most emotional on record.  Although mentally, I can keep everything in perspective and let logic rule my decision making.  Deeper below in my subconscious, it’s affecting me and my health now.

The first thing it affected was my sleep.  I started having fragmented sleep patterns whereby I would wake up at 1:30 AM, 2:20  AM, 3:30 AM (the witching hour I always say and spiritually, I know that’s the devil fucking with me).  Next to happen?  My feet started experiencing pins and needles again.  Low level.  Mostly on my left. It’s annoying as hell, so I’m spending more time pounding the pavement.  Keeping my peripheral nerves functioning as best they can.  For some reason, I believe I can control that symptom simply by exhausting it.  Kinda works- until night falls and that’s usually when I feel it most.

Next, the tip of my left ear started tingling again.  That one fucking annoys me, as its on my head and I just have to do everything I can to keep myself distracted.   I really need to double down on my nutrition and re-start my supplements.  I just can’t be bothered to take care of myself right now.  Making an anti-inflammatory smoothie and cleaning up all that mess seems entirely exhausting right now.  So I hit Whole Foods and although that’s a good secondary option, it  doesn’t have all the ingredients (the important ones too) that I need to turn off the inflammatory cascade system whichever I know has been triggered.

Stress….it always does this to me.  Which is why I lead a very stress free existence.  That’s not to say I live in some bubble. But I do manage my life in such a way, that I’m not continually pushing my endorphins and dopamine receptors to their highs and lows.  Somehow, it interacts with autoimmune systems.  I don’t care what the fucking doctors know as if today.  As a woman dealing with this, I know it’s a contributing factor. Which is why, I keep stress to a minimum.

And then there is my weight.  I’m dropping weight again.  I’ve had two people say, “Kate have you lost weight?  You look thinner since the last time I saw you.”  My mileage is pretty much the same .  But days go by and I realize by 9 pm that all I’ve had is a latte and green smoothie.  And I’m not even hungry.  My size 4 shorts are hanging on me.  I hadn’t been wearing my size 2’s in a while as they were more snug.  Now, I’m back into my 2’s.  And my jeans are loose in places they weren’t just last month.

And then there is my joints.  I can feel there’s is a tightness to them.  It’s not everyday.  But it comes and goes.  All of these symptoms do.

But it’s walking a tight rope here.  And I know I could be doing a better job on the health front.  I just feel like snuggling on the sofa, with the love of my life…and letting all this stress melt away.  Which in turn, will make all of this stop.

Logic says: that ain’t happening.  And the only person who is going to fix this- is you. I just need to pull myself out of this long enough to hammer my body with nutrition again.  The last thing I want is my kids losing their mother again for an entire summer.

Or worse- having another attack.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s