I had a dream about Niall last night. And that hasn’t happened in a long, long time my friends. Like in years.
I was walking through the beachside town, passing a little gift shop when all of a sudden, I heard my name being called out.
Kate!
Glancing back over my left shoulder, there Niall was, standing in front of quaint men’s store which does not exist in real life. My eyes met his and I stood there on the sidewalk stoically, unable and unwilling to react whatsoever. My pupils did not dialate nor did I break out in a huge Cheshire Cat grin. It was as if we were frozen in time, suspended for many moments.
I took a breathe without parting my lips and finally, Niall tilted his head backwards, gesturing for me to meet him outside the store.
I don’t recall thinking anything during that time but my feet suddenly moved. And within a moment, I was sitting down on an ipe bench facing the Pacific Ocean with Niall seated to the right of me.
I didn’t say anything. I just sat there listening to the pounding surf below.
The familiarity was there in an instant, along with his signature cologne. He was dressed sharp, of course- he always knew how to dress. And he still had those baby faced good looks.
He stared at me while I looked out towards the sea. I glanced down and saw that his hands were clasped together, with his legs far apart. He leaned forward onto his elbows, took a deep breathe in and broke our silence.
“Kate, when you have 20 million dollars of your own money sunk into a company, there’s a lot on the line. I wanted to buy the lot behind our house and I had investors breathing down my neck. I’ve been so unbelievably busy…”
As I looked out at the waves, I could see his mouth moving but I could no longer hear what he said. My own thoughts took over, becoming center stage. And they were spinning fast. “Did he really just start this conversation off talking about his bank account? He didn’t even ask you how you’ve been. He didn’t even apologize for the hell he put you through…”
As he continued to speak, I stood up and walked away. Step by step, his voice drowned out amongst the crashing waves. I could tell he had risen and heard the sound of his shoes pivot towards me. But he stopped. I thought for one millisecond that I should turn around, and look at him one last time. But I knew better.
Instead, I continued to walk forward, overcome with a sense of peace. Away from Niall.
As the distance grew between us, he became a smoky shadowy blur. Like a dark cloud way behind me.
I woke up suddenly to Zane grabbing the pillow off my head, smashing his adorable face into mine whispering, “Mama, for Christmas will you buy me a Lego police station?”
Ahhh, real life. My life. I love it!
***
(Feel free to comment and discern what you think this dream means.)
Obviously this means you need to finish writing your tales for your hungry audience :). I really like the ending, but I’m not a big dream analyzer. Fun as they may be.
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Yeah I know I should :-). I have visions of holing myself up in a luxury hotel room and going on a writing blitz. Then rewarding myself for all that writing by being lazy next to the pool. I need motivation and time to be honest.
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I know you’re busy and writing a good post takes time. I’m just teasing you. Although the day in the hotel to write and hang out by the pool sounds nice.
Maybe someone else will have some insights into your dreams. I’ll check back.
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I’m actually meeting up with a blogger friend this weekend. Maybe they will shed some light too. They are far more into the dream thing than I am. However saying that, I do believe our subconscious is trying to tell us something or it’s a way for us to process things. That’s as far as I take dreams…
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Sounds like in your heart, you’ve finally made peace in regards to ending that relationship. Realizing that it was never really about you and always about him. So now you know you’re better off, and you can leave the past behind without regret. 😉
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Yeah that’s a great analysis . Best theory I have so far.
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😉
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Closure.
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I love your writing and you should do more of it.
I think you really loved Niall and you are just letting the last bit of it flow through. Unconsciously.
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Yes…and yes. I totally agree. I definitely fell in love with him. A part of me always will. I’m not someone who falls in love easily. But he made it effortless.
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I think it’s just your subconscious going over past movie reels and throwing your way out-takes. It doesn’t really mean anything. How are you doing now btw? Haven’t heard in so long. Specialists have a good handle on things?
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The specialists? Ha! They don’t know nearly as much as the white coat conjures up. I seriously should have become a doctor because the amount of shitty ones out there is staggering. I’ve managed to make some big leaps in my health following a Whole Foods plant based diet. Not one doctor even considered this as a viable solution and yet, it’s the one thing reversing my symptoms.
Doing pretty good here. Back to running 20-25 miles per week. My symptoms have improved significantly. I almost feel entirely normal again but there’s still a few lingering. Fatigue has radically improved following my new diet too. Physically speaking, I’ve never looked better. Very hopeful that this diet is cracking the code 🙂
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Oh this is tremendous news! 25 miles a week rocks, too! I’m so happy to hear there has been such a fantastic turnaround. Revel in it!
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Thanks Marty. I am…it’s been a really good couple of weeks here. I feel nearly invincible. Been doing so much for the kids- busy back to back days. I couldn’t have done that just a few months ago. It’s been a big change.
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Here’s to real life. Cheers
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I’m not aware of your whole story w/ CEO, but your dream sounds like, despite the fact that you were colleagues, he maintained a stronghold on the relationship. Most if not all things on his terms. You have just mentioned the romance and alpha characteristic of this man, but it sounds like he may have been emotionally selfish as well. As subtle as it may have been. The fact that he focused on himself to your exclusion in the dream, and that you finally were done and walked away, shows that you recognized this for what it was finally, and were done.
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