The next day, I did what countless people do every day. I turned to Google for answers. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have. Just like you shouldn’t self diagnosis any ailments using MedMD. However, we all do this, right? At least in dire straights. Screw waiting for a therapist to get to the bottom of this. I wanted answers. And quick.
I needed to understand why this happened. You know, the actual underlying reason why this occurred. Why my husband wanted to cheat on me. Why he felt compelled to go outside our marriage, at a time when our lives were pretty damn idyllic (no mortgage, no kids, no debt, no stress).
And for the record, his first infidelity occurred right after we had ended a trip around the world–for 9 solid months I might add. In my mind, he had no reason to be unfulfilled, to seek out an affair. Our lives back then were one giant adventure, a bucket list trip that began on a safari in Africa and ended on an elephant in Thailand. For real. It made no sense to me whatsoever.
I wanted to figure this out. Because in all honesty, I needed to know what I should be guarding my marriage against. If not, we were doomed and likely would happen again.
That evening I told my husband, “I read this article on-line and think you might be a sex addict.” I was dead serious when I suggested this as he also confessed to a porn addiction.
All the other situations just didn’t seem to fit when reading up on various types of affairs. So we sat down together and emailed a support group for men struggling with sex addictions. He went to a meeting that night, while I stayed home with Vivian and my ever-expanding belly.
When he came home, I was expecting him to say, “That’s it. That’s what I suffer from. Now this is how we go about fixing this.” However, it’s never that simple.
As he opened the front door, he had a look of astonishment spread all over his face. The stories he heard that evening shocked him. He proceeded to tell me that he felt so unbelievably sad for all the men in the room. Hearing their stories, hearing their struggles assured him 100% that he wasn’t a sex addict at all. Far from it.
Looking back, I think it was a knee jerk reaction at the time. Me grasping for straws, trying to figure this whole situation out.
We laugh about it now. Him a sex addict? Ha! Not even close. Over time, I can see he was trying to fix things in our marriage. And he was willing to face whatever “this” was because he didn’t want to divorce. Even going so far as looking into whether or not he was a sex addict.
That counts for something, right?